Lindsay Lohan is done with vagina and now prefers ramrod

Turning her rail-thin back on carpet-munching forever (it seems), Lindsay Lohan spent a wild and insane night with a bunch of studs proving once and again that you can’t put a horny floozy down. Yup, she was seen partying hard with a bunch of dudes and is now jumping from stud to man hoping to score that one who would not only make her get her shit together, but give her the much-needed protein shake that this chick’s been missing all this time dating Samantha Ronson. Maybe now that she’s got a regular supply of jizz, she’ll get back a few pounds and not make her look like a concentration camp survivor.

Yup, she was seen recently looking as thin as ordinary and it’s only getting worse. And by worse I mean her melons are finally thumbing the burn. Known for her giant jugs, Lindsay has built a career out of them. And with the rumors of anorexia swirling around her, her tits seemed to be unaffected. But lately her boobies have flattened out like someone let the air out of Them, sagging down to her bellybutton it seems. Which is poor news for LiLo and her supposed foray into live, on-stage stripping. Who would wanna pay valuable money to got a fancy Las Vegas hotel and watch some crack-addicted starlet bare her flat scones on stage. No one, that’s who. So hopefully this babe gets these babies back on track before they hit her knees.

And so, what can we expect out of our dear Miss Lohan now that she’s back on the straight and narrow (but for her hopefully curved and thick)? Maybe we’ll see her a bit happier from now on, a bit more satisfied. After all, it takes you missing something to know that’s what you really want. So this time away from the peen would help her re-evaluate her career, life plan, and spirituality. See, all the studs of the world are right – the penis is a wonderful thing. And now that Lindsay is back on it, the world will be a much better place because of it. As wonderful as the wild and crazy celebs that you’ll discover correct here.