Paris Hilton Fugly Outfit Number 2,098,344,012

Whatever possessed Paris Hilton to think that this ensemble was in any way A: Fashion-forward, B: attractive or C: made any sort of sense must be the new psychotropic drug that makes you see things in a positive light, like thinking that Dane Cook is funny, Lily Allen has a good singing voice, or Teri Hatcher looks nothing like a witch. On my end, no amount of hallucinogens in the world would make me thing positive about this ensemble.

Sure, it’s eye-catching, but for all the wrong reasons. Take a black bikini, wrap some black string around it, accessorize with ugly bondage gear, and top with a completely ridiculous pair of sunglasses that look more like the front part of a space ship than gracious eyewear. Why, pray tell, would anyone wear such an outfit? Because she’s Paris Hilton, that’s why. This sweetheart lives in her own world where everything she does is important and this honey is at the center of the blogsphere. And yes, that’s indeed true, but again it’s for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe if she spent a bit less time focusing on her awful outfits and more on shedding a lot of that skank (not to bring up getting rid of a butt-load of STDs that she’s probably riddled with) then maybe she’ll regain some of that hawt fuckability that we all saw the first few times she came into our collective libido radar. I myself remember her to be this absolutely pretty creature who was so fresh and clean. I couldn’t get enough of her. I thought someone like her – a high-class heiress who grew up surrounded  by wealth, pomp and circumstance – would be way out of my league. Never in a million years would I get to fuck anyone like her. Turns out, I have a wonderful a shot as anybody!

So, I’m have to push the image of this outfit aside and harken back to fonder memories, like when I first saw her sex tape and nutted like 15 times. You can see all these nasty Paris pictures and videos here, as well as a lot of Hollywood women to fulfill your dreams.